Sunday, April 29, 2007

Welcome Larry the Cable Guy

In case you didn’t know, Larry the Cable Guy is now a proud Wisconsin home owner and property tax payer having purchased a place up nort to be near his wife’s family. Let us welcome our fellow citizen with a sampling of his thoughts on various essential issues.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the Heck Happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear Bright , Until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of Jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ars tomorrow.

I bet Al Gore knows the answer to #17. Welcome to tax land Larry. Your financial contributions are needed to maintain the out of control spending of the Doyle administration. H/T Danegerus